...and they lived happily ever after!

Real life, or fairy tale?? With our upcoming small group "Marriage Built to Last" I've been thinking a lot about marriage and what it has become in our society today. Most of us wives remember reading fairy tales and watching the Disney princess movies and the way that they always ended...with that famously memorable line.

From the time we are little girls, we dream about the day we will grow up and marry that special "Prince Charming" that God has just for us! He's perfect...tall, dark and handsome, smart, funny, kind, sensitive, respectful, loving and treats you like a princess. That wonderful day comes and you are the happiest you have ever been because your childhood dream has come true! You have a beautiful wedding, surrounded by all the people you love. If you're really lucky, you go on an awesome honeymoon. You move into your first place and have so much fun making it a home together. You stay up late talking and laughing, and pretty much just spending every moment possible together.
 Then.........one night you wake up to a loud buzzing sound.....and realize it's the Prince - snoring!! You give him a nudge in the side and he rolls over and mercifully, stops all the racket. You fall back to sleep after a while, and about an hour later wake up to a little voice saying, "Mommy, I had a bad dream...can I sleep with you and Daddy?" The next morning, as you get out of bed and walk into the living room you trip over his shoes that he left sitting in the wrong place. You pick up the dirty socks and throw away an empty bag of potato chips that he feasted on last night when you were trying to talk to him as he stared at the t.v. instead of you. You contemplate on accidentally "losing" the remote as you recall his response to your 5 minute long venting session........"Huh?? Did you say something???"

You daydream about the times when he wanted to talk to you for hours, complimented you whenever he saw you, and took you out on special dates and held your hand in public. You wonder how and why your "fairy tale" turned into something more along the lines of a reality t.v. show. Where did we go wrong?

As funny as this scenario is, I know that if we are married we have all probably been there before or have another story we could tell. Obviously, our husbands could give their own dialog of how their wives have changed over the years and how life sometimes isn't all they dreamed it would be. First of all, fairy tales are from Hollywood and Walt Disney. As nice as it would be to believe in real life being that way, it's just not reality. He isn't Prince Charming and you aren't Cinderella. As imperfect as I think my spouse is at times, I can look in the mirror and see that as a wife, I am just as flawed. 

Do you miss the excitement of when you first fell in love? Then, go out on a date with your spouse and take time for just each other, and make it a regular thing. There was a time before kids that it was all about the two of you...that doesn't have to completely go away. Sometimes we let life revolve around the kids, and somewhere along the line we stop letting our spouse know how special they are to us. Donald and I have been married for 20 years, and I can honestly say that we are still very much in love. There are still times that he walks into a room and I catch sight of him and think, "Wow, my husband is so handsome! I am so blessed." He takes the time to tell me he loves me every day, and also shows love by his actions. 

Do you feel like your spouse just doesn't understand you or that you have grown apart? Try to understand him/her instead! Talk to your spouse about how you are feeling and open up your heart to him/her. Let them know that you want to revive that amazing friendship you once had. Respect your marriage enough to put up boundaries, such as never meeting with someone of the opposite sex alone, guarding your heart and emotions when it comes to relationships with other people. Your friends or people of the opposite sex should not fill the place in your life that is meant to be your spouse's. Even an emotional attachment to someone of the opposite sex other than your spouse is wrong. If you need to pour your heart or your problems out to someone other than your spouse...pour it out to God!

Do you feel like you just can't make your marriage work? Then stop trying in your own power, and let God. 
Start with the basics...God created marriage and He created it to be forever. Take it one day at a time, and work on yourself first. Examine your heart and your relationship with the Lord. Go to church as a family, and get involved in small groups...and if you don't have a relationship with God or a church, that is the first step to making your marriage work. Start praying together...this seems small, but can be a scary step for some couples. If you have never prayed together it might feel weird at first, but it will do great things for your marriage and your connection to each other. Realize that you may need to forgive past hurts and start fresh.

In closing, I would love to invite married couples to get involved in our new small group at Community FWB Church called, "Marriage Built to Last" starting on Wed. night, September 19 @ 6:30pm at the parsonage. God bless you and we hope to see you there!

Planting Seeds

Parenting can be a tough job. Sometimes we may feel low on patience, energy, time or many other things. Our feisty little 3 yr. old has tested my patience lately. ;) Each of our kids personalities are different and it is a learning experience at times when it comes to parenting. Kids don't always listen, but I have found that most of the time they are paying attention to the small things.

Recently, Shaylee wasn't listening very well and had to take a time-out. When I went to talk to her a few minutes later, I told her that she was in time-out for not listening to Mommy and that she has to listen to her parents and do what we say. Right when I said that she suddenly perked up and said with a smile, "That's what I heard at church in my class! Jesus wants us to listen to our parents!" It was like she had a little "lightbulb" moment. This was a small seed that had been planted, and she heard it. Thank you Sunday school and Jr. Church teachers...we are so blessed to have people that dedicate their time every week to help teach our children God's Word.

Our oldest daughter is 15 and will be 16 next month...wow! I especially remember that ever since she first went to Kindergarten, almost every report card she got year after year and the conferences that we went to with her teachers, we consistently heard the same things. "She has such a sweet spirit", or "she's the peacemaker in the class". Taryn couldn't stand to see someone mistreated or friends fighting. She has a tender and compassionate heart, and God has allowed the seeds that so many people have planted in her to grow. I pray that His plans for her, and all my children will be accomplished and will bring glory to Him! One thing that I hear and see constantly from parents is, "Just wait until they become teenagers..it's terrible!!" I think teenagers get a bad rep...no one is perfect, but as the parent of one, I disagree completely with that thinking. We have to sow the seeds when they are young! I can honestly say that my teenage daughter is such an amazing blessing to me and she knows that we don't expect her to be perfect. I thank God that as parents, we have the ability through Christ to re-write that stereotypical story! Don't allow the world to dictate to you what your children should be or how to raise them. The world and the devil want to tear them down and win them over, but through God's word we know that He has a completely different plan!

When I was a young teenager (maybe 13) I had spent the night at my grandparents house, along with my sister and cousin. We loved to spend time at their house. My Papaw decided that he wanted the three of us to read the Lord's Prayer (Matthew Ch. 6) while he recorded it on tape. We kind of resisted and kept asking why he wanted us to make the recording. I think he said that he wanted it so he could listen to it sometimes. We reluctantly agreed to do it, but as giggly teenage girls do, we didn't take it very seriously and of course found every blunder or mistake hilarious. Needless to say, we didn't make it very easy on him and it took a long time to get it right, and for us to contain our giggles. He got a little bit frustrated with us, and at the time we really just didn't understand why it was so important to him.

When the tape was finished, he played it back and as we all listened he started to cry. We felt bad then for not taking it seriously, and I realized that it meant a lot to him to have it. I know I didn't fully realize how much it meant until I grew up and had children of my own. That was one of the many ways he "planted seeds" in us as we were growing up. As I got older and got a job and sometimes wasn't as faithful to church as I should have been, when I would see Papaw he would never scold me or make me feel bad, but he would just say, "Papaw missed you at church, baby." He always talked about the Lord and I knew how much he wanted for all of us to be together one day in heaven.

I was only four years old when my Dad passed away, and even though I don't have many memories of him at all, he has been such an example of faith to me all of my life. Everywhere I go, I hear what a great man my dad was and how much he was loved and how he loved God.  My mom has been a living testimony to me my entire life of God's strength and His promises fulfilled.

I treasure those "lightbulb" moments that I have seen in my kids, and when my patience is running low it helps to remember all the "seeds" that my parents and family took the time to sow in me. We have just a small amount of time, to be the biggest influence in our children's lives. Take advantage of those small opportunities to plant the seeds that will carry through into their adulthood...they will not forget them. Stop being busy long enough to answer the hundreds of questions that they ask, and to actually listen when they speak. Teach them how to pray! Tell them that God is their heavenly Father and he loves them and is there always and they can talk to Him anytime.

Most importantly, let them see you living out a real, genuine relationship with Jesus Christ. Your actions will speak louder to them than any words. Read the Bible out loud to them, pray with them and for them. Make church a priority for your family.  Don't be afraid to admit that you made a mistake or say you're sorry...you are human and your kids should see you owning up to your mistakes and making things right.

I hope that God will encourage you as parents and grandparents. Plant those seeds deep! You may not see the evidence of growth for years, but they will take root and flourish in His time.

"These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them upon your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates." Deuteronomy 6: 6-9



This seemed like a good way to get back into one of the things I've always loved the most...writing. I think it will also be a great chance to talk openly about the life of a pastor's family and the ministry that God has made most important in my life. I hope to share my thoughts on many things, but most importantly would love to encourage other wives (of pastors or not), women and mommies. I love the Lord and am a follower of Jesus Christ and He is #1 in my life. My husband and I have been married for 20 years and have three wonderful children. My husband has been serving as the Senior Pastor of our church for 11 years. We have an amazing church of great people who pray for us and make us feel that it is okay to just be "us". They don't try to put me into a "mold" or stereotype of what some think a "pastor's wife" is supposed to be or look like. I am asked often by people that don't know me very well - and can say that I do not play the piano or sing (except in the car or at home with my kids) haha!
I find myself most comfortable serving more behind the scenes in our church when it comes to ministry, but would love to step out of my comfort zone more as my kids get older and pray for direction from God for His will in placing me where He can use me for His glory. I truly believe that the most important ministry God has for me is in my home. Someone said to me recently that as mothers, we only have a small window of opportunity to raise our children and train them up to serve the Lord, and I completely agree! As parents, we are basically on a mission field in our own homes!It's important to have a balance between keeping things running smoothly at home, ministering to our husbands and children and using our talents and abilities in the church. Many wives also balance a career outside of the home, and my hat's off to them. I feel very blessed to be able to be at home full-time and realize that it is not possible for everyone for different reasons. The job of a full-time Pastor is unique. I have learned over the years that the best way I can help my husband is to take care of home and all the necessities, so that when he is at his busiest with ministry, he doesn't have to worry about things being taken care of on the homefront. We are by far, not perfect parents and make mistakes just like everyone does. My desire is for my husband and I to be the biggest influence in our children's lives...bigger than their friends, teachers, school, and world influences. Kids today are getting so many things thrown at them from all directions every single day. Just as God's word tells us that we have to put on the whole armor of God, it is our responsibility to arm our children with the knowledge of God and His word because they will need that more than anything else we can give them.
Marriage is very important and foremost in my heart as well. It is vital to put effort, time and energy into our marriages. They are to be treated just like our personal relationship with Jesus. We communicate with God, and spend time learning more of Him and in fellowship with Him and it helps us grow in relationship with Him. The same is true for our relationship with our husbands. Even after being married for 20 years, and knowing my husband for about 21 years, there are still new things that I learn about him in our conversation that I did not know! As wives, showing respect to our husbands is vital to our relationship (I have to work on this, just like every wife). And as wives, we need to feel loved and respected. Marriage is give and take and putting your spouse above yourself. Marriages change and grow and they are a constant work that can't remain stagnant.
I'm so glad that God knows we fall short and the only thing that is perfect about our family, ministry and marriage is HIM being in the center of it!