Real life, or fairy tale?? With our upcoming small group "Marriage Built to Last" I've been thinking a lot about marriage and what it has become in our society today. Most of us wives remember reading fairy tales and watching the Disney princess movies and the way that they always ended...with that famously memorable line.
From the time we are little girls, we dream about the day we will grow up and marry that special "Prince Charming" that God has just for us! He's perfect...tall, dark and handsome, smart, funny, kind, sensitive, respectful, loving and treats you like a princess. That wonderful day comes and you are the happiest you have ever been because your childhood dream has come true! You have a beautiful wedding, surrounded by all the people you love. If you're really lucky, you go on an awesome honeymoon. You move into your first place and have so much fun making it a home together. You stay up late talking and laughing, and pretty much just spending every moment possible together.
Then.........one night you wake up to a loud buzzing sound.....and realize it's the Prince - snoring!! You give him a nudge in the side and he rolls over and mercifully, stops all the racket. You fall back to sleep after a while, and about an hour later wake up to a little voice saying, "Mommy, I had a bad dream...can I sleep with you and Daddy?" The next morning, as you get out of bed and walk into the living room you trip over his shoes that he left sitting in the wrong place. You pick up the dirty socks and throw away an empty bag of potato chips that he feasted on last night when you were trying to talk to him as he stared at the t.v. instead of you. You contemplate on accidentally "losing" the remote as you recall his response to your 5 minute long venting session........"Huh?? Did you say something???"
You daydream about the times when he wanted to talk to you for hours, complimented you whenever he saw you, and took you out on special dates and held your hand in public. You wonder how and why your "fairy tale" turned into something more along the lines of a reality t.v. show. Where did we go wrong?
As funny as this scenario is, I know that if we are married we have all probably been there before or have another story we could tell. Obviously, our husbands could give their own dialog of how their wives have changed over the years and how life sometimes isn't all they dreamed it would be. First of all, fairy tales are from Hollywood and Walt Disney. As nice as it would be to believe in real life being that way, it's just not reality. He isn't Prince Charming and you aren't Cinderella. As imperfect as I think my spouse is at times, I can look in the mirror and see that as a wife, I am just as flawed.
Do you miss the excitement of when you first fell in love? Then, go out on a date with your spouse and take time for just each other, and make it a regular thing. There was a time before kids that it was all about the two of you...that doesn't have to completely go away. Sometimes we let life revolve around the kids, and somewhere along the line we stop letting our spouse know how special they are to us. Donald and I have been married for 20 years, and I can honestly say that we are still very much in love. There are still times that he walks into a room and I catch sight of him and think, "Wow, my husband is so handsome! I am so blessed." He takes the time to tell me he loves me every day, and also shows love by his actions.
Do you feel like your spouse just doesn't understand you or that you have grown apart? Try to understand him/her instead! Talk to your spouse about how you are feeling and open up your heart to him/her. Let them know that you want to revive that amazing friendship you once had. Respect your marriage enough to put up boundaries, such as never meeting with someone of the opposite sex alone, guarding your heart and emotions when it comes to relationships with other people. Your friends or people of the opposite sex should not fill the place in your life that is meant to be your spouse's. Even an emotional attachment to someone of the opposite sex other than your spouse is wrong. If you need to pour your heart or your problems out to someone other than your spouse...pour it out to God!
Do you feel like you just can't make your marriage work? Then stop trying in your own power, and let God.
Start with the basics...God created marriage and He created it to be forever. Take it one day at a time, and work on yourself first. Examine your heart and your relationship with the Lord. Go to church as a family, and get involved in small groups...and if you don't have a relationship with God or a church, that is the first step to making your marriage work. Start praying together...this seems small, but can be a scary step for some couples. If you have never prayed together it might feel weird at first, but it will do great things for your marriage and your connection to each other. Realize that you may need to forgive past hurts and start fresh.
In closing, I would love to invite married couples to get involved in our new small group at Community FWB Church called, "Marriage Built to Last" starting on Wed. night, September 19 @ 6:30pm at the parsonage. God bless you and we hope to see you there!
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